Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize