I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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