If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
