Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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