let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize