so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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