the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize