Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sober January is a disaster.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
