none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
