oh god the rape fog is back!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
