my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
