I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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