If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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