He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
