So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
