who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
