I didn't shave. On purpose
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
