Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
