Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
