Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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