if i can run in heels then i can drive
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
