i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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