You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
