I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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