Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
