Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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