You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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