Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
