Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
