So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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