Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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