We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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