We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
