I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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