Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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