Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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