i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
