So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
