You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
