Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
