i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
