a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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