y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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