How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
