How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize