Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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