i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
