Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
