I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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