I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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