wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
