so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You were trust falling into bushes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
