Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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