maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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