so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
