she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
