just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize
