hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
