apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
