She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Drake has all the answers
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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