chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
