New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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