her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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