that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
