yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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