so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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