She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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