I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
